He Is My Responsibility

When I married my husband, I married my stepson too. No, literally; I said vows to them both. And while I was emotional when I recited my vows to my husband; I literally choked up and could not get the words out for a few moments when I addressed my vows to my stepson. When my husband and I were dating, Carl got really sick. He was three. My boyfriend (boyfriend-husband?) ran to the store to get some medicine for him and I stayed behind to watch over Carl. The poor little guy vomited and had explosive diarrhea. It took forever for my boyfriend to return due to traffic. When he did, Carl was clean and sleeping soundly. I was on the floor, covered in dried vomit, my hand in Carl’s little hand. That was the beginning for them both. The true and utter, “we should keep this woman in our lives” beginning. The reason I recount that particular incident out of so many was that Carl was not my responsibility at that point. He was my boyfriend’s child who I was really just getting to know. I didn’t have to care for him or clean him or sit with him… but I did. And as much as I can say that this child is in fact not mine and I do not have any responsibility to him, I cannot. I cannot because it’s an untrue statement. When I decided to love his father and I decided to love him and then I decided to pledge my love to them both- he became my responsibility. A responsibility I take very seriously. Carl’s biomom is alive and well. She lives about an hour from us and sees Carl every other weekend. We parent very different and are opposites in every way imaginable. She does not feel she has any responsibility to Carl outside of what she is willing to give. Normally this generosity comes with a demand for something she feels she has a right to or directly benefits her in some way. It is an odd reversal of roles. I have struggled to understand not only her actions but her as a person as well. Almost a decade later, she is still an enigma to me. In the end, it was not my choice to make. Carl needed me and I will not let this little boy suffer due to the choices of the adults in his life. So, no, he is not mine but, yes, I completely and wholeheartedly belong to him. He has become my responsibility- one I am honored to have.